Wait! Slow Down! I’m NOT Ready!
Ryan will be nine in just over three weeks. I can write those words, I can read them, I can say them… but I still can not BELIEVE them! After convincing him we would NOT buy him another LEGO set for his birthday, Ryan decided what he would really like this year is a new bike. Since he did look a bit overgrown pedaling down the street on the bike he’s had since he was four and since Connor was also in need of a new bike (or a hand-me-down bike from his big brother), we agreed. Well, we agreed to pay for part of a new bike, and he agreed to save for the remainder, which he has done. So, for the past few weeks, he’s been on the lookout for the perfect bike: one with hand brakes and more than one speed!
And this weekend Patrick and Ryan found it, the perfect bike! It was just what Ryan wanted and it was on sale, but only until Sunday… and so, since we live in a townhome… no garage, no large closets, no place to hide a bike for three weeks… Ryan received his birthday present a few weeks early.
And here it is!
It has hand brakes. It has more than one speed. It’s yellow! And it’s BIG! I took one look and panicked! How in the world was my little boy going to ride that big bike?!
It took a few tries for Ryan to figure out how to get the bike going on his own, but he did… and then he was off!
I was totally unprepared to see Ryan head off on his own on that GREAT BIG bike, totally unprepared to see him riding away from me at top speed, totally unprepared for the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes, and totally unprepared for the sudden wave of realization that my little boy was actually no longer a little boy!
But, when my almost-nine-year-old boy raced back to me grinning from ear to ear and shouting, “Look at me, Mom!,” I wiped my tears, smiled just as big, and gave a reassuring thumbs up.
I can’t stop Ryan from growing up, but I can stop and enjoy moments like this one along the way: moments when my now not-so-little boy still looks to me for a bit of reassurance, a bit of encouragement, and a bit of celebration… and I can quietly pray that Ryan doesn’t race to grow up with quite as much energy as he raced off on his new bike… because I’m NOT ready; I need time!